STRONGER THAN BUTTERFLIES

I take another sweet from the bag. Once I get accustomed to a certain kind i kindda like to stick to those. This I find curious about myself.
I have abandoned reading THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE.
Rubbish. Absolutely crap!
The only memorable thing, which opens and closes the book can now be read on my Cousin's ribs I was at a certain stage in my life, somewhere between letting go and holding on...
The thing is, most things we read in books are true…Or we are brought up to believe that !?
They say - certain things are stronger than death. (that is such a relief!)
Or at least some of them are. It would have all been rather vulgar if death was the strongest of all things. I am glad that God or whoever you think made up this ironic world designed to have death as a reminder at the end of the road, which could be anywhere, but in the same time made few other things stronger than death. Like saying, so what if we may die at some stage, at least we can live intensely and if we do live intensely with every particle of our being nearly to exploding with so much intensity – then perspective of dying should not look so scary anymore..
Probably we make wise decisions most of the time. Probably. Wise. Most of the time.
But maybe not… or perhaps – who knows.
Wise. Mmm…
It’s all so bloody RELATIVE!
It is all an impression.
THE Intensity makes no exception.
So are the hurt and the pain. And tears and all.. Relativity – f%** you Albert, darling!!!
And right now it may feel like a grave stone presses against my chest – but this is all a mere impression. It may feel like the end of the/my world… but it’s all so relative, I guess.
So, here I am again at my favourite crossroads in life – somewhere between a Guess and a Wish. Same old Guess, but may be a different Wish this time.
(shopping is scientifically proven to relieve stress… but can’t blame it on our darling Albert this one!)
Not sure I have figured out the Wish... takes a while after the pain goes, then the scar heals slowly. The first cut is supposed to be the deapest. So why ...? Nevermind. It's past midnight and we all have to go and pretend the usual next day..
It will soon all go away and there I will stand with no other worse enemy than life itself and no bigger threat than the strength of death itself.

Sorry we are at some stage, anyway.
Not sure sooner is better than later. And certainly not sure if would rather be for the things we do or never get to do.

Perhaps I should try the other sweets next time.

Women in black and other mind monsters
Colour addict
It all started with the twinkling of the Tea… not in Wonderland, but rather in Wanderland or I wonder-what-comes-next land… tea in UK, where else, as if asking tough questions about life makes more sense while on an island.
There comes a time in our lives when black is no longer the colour and old ways cease to be our choices. How many times we change track, is, I suspect down to our capacity to put up with routine. Or perhaps, things are even more complicated than that.
What is life all about afterall?
When you think you are on the right track something happens and proves you were wrong to think that was all and you have figured it out …
Is happiness a benchmark? No one seems to bother with this anymore, perhaps not such a priority to most of us. Risking to sound shallow or immature, I still bother with this.
Choice. It’s all about choice – someone told me. The choices we make are like turnabout routes we take. Making choices is taking one particular way over others. Obviously, the next natural question is does destination matter? Does the road matter more than the destination? Is it a done deal, that by the time we reach the destination we will have had the sort of experiences that take our mind set to the initially envisaged mind set for us or is it a roll of a snowball and no one really knows when or where things end more important, how… I guess this is what makes it worth sticking around.
Are we really like islands and worlds apart, while so close together, and if so, what brings some of us together?
Timing also. Crucial! As, how many times do we pass by one another before we realize we connect. How many times have we met before actually realizing we belong together. Do we really belong together? That’s even a tougher one…
Is anything meant to happen? How much of it and how much do we actually have any influence over? And if so, to what extent?

Another tough one - for my batting wings and lashes fans :)

Once you are blessed to get to know the measure of our dreams - what next? i mean, of course it's way simpler if already 'stuck' in a smaller dream. But what if you are not ???
[oh, please DO bat your eyelashes now! maybe you can just dry out the tears in my eyes quickly, as if they never existed...]
What if you are not in a smaller dream - or you are, but are ready to wake up, no matter how painful, just to live the DREAM ?? And what if you feel you are waking up from the smaller dream anyway... how are we supposed to go back to smaller, nice dreams once we find out that we could live the DREAM???

guess will know the answer to that at some stage. not sure if i would rather know sooner or later.

Life is too short for small dreams - I think.

Again from the effect upon things spheres... I cannot stop wondering WHAT IF ... certain things happened slightly differently, WHY ME? WHAY NOW and all that crap.. sorry, all that!
Not so sure what I believe (in) these days.

BUTTERFLY EFFECT

While in Amsterdam the other days i have been playing with the idea of a tatoo... well, confessed. Much to the shock of my close family, friends etc... i decided to go along with it! A butterfly! where... mmm, not telling you (yet). But do relax, no butterfly rests anywhere on my body (not just YET) - i am still 'clean'... jerks, the Pink-hair lady put my hopes up and then said it's too much to do in a hurry, before my flight.
The fact that is now I HAVE to go go back to Ams'dam for rose beer, pot and that butterfly... etc - btw, if any of you want to come along, let's plan in advance! and also because i didn't 'french' a dutch - which was my hidden objective :))
Also, say this about this Butterfly - not just a thing, but rather a stage in my life. You know, it doesn't have to do with the crisis - not the financial one (although saying that i did overspent during this trip ...) - but with my personal crisis. I hope (god help) i have reached an end on this... Soulsearching crisis. or whatever getting-depressed-over-life-and-finding-your-way-back-again kindda thing...
not sure i found my way back - back to what? that'a another good one, not worth trying to answer really.. as they say A question can sometimes shed more light than lots of answers .
On My Butterfly Effect - yes, i did spread my wings - not sure if flying yet, but whatever happens surely feels great. Free - free falling? into? any chance to climb out before being in too deep...
might be too late for me!

anyway, will write more - they keep putting these meetings and lots of work in the way - donno what they think i am here for - to write on my blog, obviously.

so, bat your wings, eyelashes, whatever you've got - till next one.